failure is not an option

My weekend sucked. Wanna know why? It's because I was in the dangnabbed library from Friday-Sunday for 8 hours a day. This is following a Mon-Thurs week of 15-16 hour days of nonstop class, work and studying.

I am exhausted.

And I have been for a while now. But somehow, I wake up each morning with enough strength to get me through the day. Why? Or more importantly, how?

I used to be one of those types of people who could never understand how people did so much in a day. I used to marvel at my roommate who would go from class, work and leading Bible study from 8 AM to 10PM at night on Mondays without a single break, and never thought I could handle living at that pace. And behold, here I am.

The reason why I never comprehended how people who were struggling to make ends meet could work 3 jobs or how some high school students could manage school with so many sports and extracurricular activities was simply because my mindset included quitting as a choice. Their mindset didn't. It's just like how going to the gym takes so much more mental strength than carrying a 20 pound backpack walking all around campus all day. I do it because there is no option of me just missing class or work for it.

I watched an extremely fascinating segment on strict Chinese parenting on MSNBC. You can watch it here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41005969/ns/today-books/

Although I personally disagree with her endorsement on how to raise kids, I do appreciate my Asian heritage, and I definitely think there are some things that are characteristic of the East that the West could benefit to learn from. (On a side note, sometimes I believe I have such a great advantage by being Asian-American because I get to take the best of the East and combine it with the best of the West.) I actually quite agree with Amy Chua in that Asian students tend to outperform white students because their parents expect so much more than Caucasian parents do. Now, this is a double edged sword and can lead to deep psychological wounds, but I know I can attribute my hours and hours in the library to a refusal to settle for anything less than passing this Economics class.

When there is no option of failure, you learn to adjust and do what you gotta do. If an F is what you are expecting, an F is what you will work for. If an A is what you are expecting, an A is what you will work for.

Now, I'm realistic enough to know that I will most likely not receive an A in this class. In fact, I will be happy to just pass the class with a C or better. And that is okay, since most students end up taking this class twice because they fail the first time. I refuse to fail this class. I refuse to take this class again. I expect to pass it my first try. And that's why I've studied 24 hours in the last three days for this goshdarn class.