Friday, December 31, 2010

No big, just figuring my life out

Oh, the woes of a melodramatic college student.

I spent two months this summer living in Honolulu, Hawaii on a missions trip with Campus Crusade for Christ, a campus ministry. We were there to build up the movements at certain campuses and reach students to launch at new campuses, but we were also there to learn leadership skills in preparation of us leading our ministries at our home campuses. What I was not prepared for was how much I would fall in love with the culture and the people there.

I live in the second happiest place on Earth, according to a recent Yahoo news article (the happiest place being Denmark). I live on the Central Coast of California as a college student, studying a topic that I love (Business administration with a concentration in finance and double minoring in psychology and economics) with great friends, beautiful nature, Mediterranean climate, friendly locals, an environmentally friendly and health-conscious city and a large campus ministry that I’m active in.

However, I would forsake it all to move to Honolulu, Hawaii. There’s only one thing that’s stopping me. Fear.

I’m set to graduate in June 2012, and it’s absolutely terrifying to think of moving thousands of miles away from my family and friends to start a new life completely on my own in Hawai`i nei (beloved Hawaii). The job market in Hawaii is small and tight knit; they would rather give jobs to locals. Furthermore, the cost of living there is astronomical, since almost everything has to be imported. Housing is overinflated and hard to find.

These worries are all valid, but they’re also my barriers to pursuing what I really, really want.

Now here's the question I'm posing to myself. Am I afraid of the potential failure of striking it out on my own, of having to return to my parents with empty pockets and in need of a job and housing? Or am I just afraid of all the work it would take me to make the move?

Am I more afraid of failure or success?

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